Monday, August 18, 2008

It's hard enough that I can't hear Him speak, it's hard for me to pray also.

Hi people, how're we all doing and how was our weekend? hope we had a funfilled and fulfilled one? I know i wasn't able to respond to comments on my birthday post, and sorry this is coming roughly two weeks after. Please do bear with me. I'M REALLY GRATEFUL for your words and prayers, THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH. I really do appreciate it and i love you all so much.



So i decided that i was going to set time aside this past weekend to seek God's face and pray concerning the jobless situation in my life (i'm making it sound really bad, right?). I was excited and preparing towards the weekend, i was really expectant and prepared myself towards that. Friday came and all i could do was think and pray a little (those under the breath prayers). Saturday came and i just didn't feel like praying 'cos i didn't know where to start from. I couldn't figure out how to pray for what i wanted, i wasn't too sure if i was going to utter the right words.
Then some of His promises started popping up in my head, But It felt so hard to believe He really made those promises, or better still it felt so hard to believe those promises were made to me and all i could do was cry and ask God to help me. Crying 'cos i can't believe my friend would not speak to me, crying 'cos i don't know if i did anything wrong (I've searched my heart and begged for Your forgiveness Lord), Crying 'cos i felt helpless, crying 'cos i couldn't hear Him speak, crying 'cos i felt my expectations were completely cut short (...the expectations of the righteous shall not be cut short, right? well...........) crying 'cos i believe i lost this battle again, crying 'cos i felt so ungrateful to God, crying 'cos i had my Bible in front of me and i just didn't know how to open and read it (seriously i didn't know how to open and read it), crying 'cos i'm angry at myself and my situation, crying mainly 'cos Eru ara mi'n ba mi (i'm scared for myself). Well, i sure stopped crying and started feeling sleepy and before i sleft off i asked God to try speaking to me in my sleep. Hmn...., He didn't speak o, or maybe He did and i didn't hear Him clear enough. I woke up and decided to take a walk, maybe that would help abi? Not at all, i didn't hear a word. Okay, maybe He spoke and my mind was too noisy to hear what He said, right? Bottomline, i heard nothing and it makes Eru ara mi ba mi the more (makes me scared for myself the more).
Sunday came, i felt much better, but i didn't feel like going to Church. I stayed at home and was listening to Pastor Joel Osteen's message when i slept off. I still didn't hear Him speak. I had to sneak out with my mothers' car to get something, and on the radio i heard " There are treasures in your trails". It seems the treasures in this trial of mine is either missing or i'm too blind to see it (I'm sorry but thats just how i feel right now).
God I'ld be a liar if i say You haven't been more than faithful to me in all aspects. But at this moment, It's just hard for Rinsola to post something else asides how she feels now right now especially since i just can't pray or hear from You.


N.B:
The fact that i just lamented doesn't mean i don't believe that God is working things out behind the scenes of my life. But would you understand if i say, right now I AM WEAK to accept that He is working out anything and my situation is weighing me down so bad?!

Have a great week ahead, and sorry that my first post after a previous thankful post spells ungrateful brat!

32 comments:

amara said...

My darling, even Jesus said 'lama lama sabacthani' in His moment of pain? It is good to be honest with how you feel there is great encouragement in that but remember irrespective of how you feel at this moment. You are not forgotten, you are not forsaken, you are loved by God. He will come through for you. You will testify. Remain blessed.

Mommy said...

Hey sweery!!

aloted said...

Aww here's a cyber hug for u...

In ur weakness he is made strong for you...

And I love this song..this is just the song to listen to...it says it all

It is well with you in Jesus name

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

we have to choose to believe. It is hard, but a choice we need to make, so the time spent crying reduces when compared to the praise time. Take care lovely, all is well.

simeoneomobaba said...

everybody goes thru times like this..the only people that dont have challenges are the ones in the grave yard..i am goin thru stuff similar to what you described, but i know i have a Father who even loved me first..any trial of your faith is for your own good..just hang-on, He neva fails..

disgodkidd said...

rinsola, i have been here and this is the lesson i learned. i have a notepad where i write down everything God says to me...sometimes while reading through the prophecies, i ask myself if it's not all in my imagination...if i didn;t just make up all this beautiful promises...these thought scome especially when it looks like the promises are no where to be seen...but when i found myself in this place where i wanted so much to hear God but couldn't, it dawned on me that the silence is the proof that those promises were not made up...otherwise, whats stopping me from making up more words...

that's what i learned. maybe this is the same lesson for you. even when God is silent, he is speaking.

disgodkidd said...

i came back to read, rinsola, and concerning your need, i would like to share my prophecy with you...this is the Year of Fulfillment...so its only a matter of time...remember when i was trusting God to help pay my rent? little did i know he wanted to give me the accommodation for FREE...the delay is for a delight...

so u cant hear him, and u cant pray? fine, just be still and remember...

Writefreak said...

Big hugs babe...

His strength is made perfect in our weakness and we all have those times when we feel this way, so even if it's just a short prayer under your breath, He hears it and i'm sure the cloud will clear...

He loves you still, we've all got our ungrateful days, ask me?

pink-satin said...

pele dear!!things will get better/!hold on

30+ said...

I have been having this song in my head for a while now "...and when my heart is overwhelmed, please lead me to the rock that is higher than I".

I just feel comforted whenever I sing the song, although he still has not said anything Rhema I am just comforted that somehow someway he is leading me to the Rock (the rock being safety, fulfilment, joy etc).

This morning my desktop saver showed the scrupture Gen 8:22 and I am so hoping that is somehow meant for you, please read it.

All is well

NewLife said...

God bless you Rinsola, you were so real with this, you are human and we tend to feel this things from time to time.

When you have nothing to say, let the Holy Spirit do it for you even all you can do is groan, put in your praise and worship songs, in ALL things give thanksgiving, thats what the bible says.

I know its hard, but MAKE yourself do it, read the bible even the words dont make sense, be aware of the enemy at all times because he doest want you to these things. A little reminder-Gods is ALWAYS there even when you dont hear Him or even feel Him near. God is with you.

Kafo said...

i haven't heard this song in forever
wow thanks for this song

just for the record
whinning is praying and so is crying and lamenting for real half of david's prayers that are recorded in psalms are pleas

don't stop seeking, scream if you have to but always keep the lines of communication open and remmeber to listen

pele

Debbie said...

Hush, I can feel your pain, it is ok to feel this way sometimes, dont' worry, this too will pass, you will look back and smile and say to your father "I guess you where smiling when I was crying" '"cos you saw this way off before I do". You see our human eye and mind some times fail but his word remains true, even when it looks like the sun is never going to shine again, in the horizon there is a rising that will bring bright rays of sun light straight from his throne to ligthen up your load. That's why he is God, we can totally be anyway with him and honesty is what he wants, he understands and will bring you out. Remember what you are going through now is not your destination, it is only a transit point. Keep trying and soon this too will pass.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

My sista, this too will pass. God will always see us through. Believe.

Take care.

wellsbaba said...

dis is ma first time here n I luv it here atleast anoda blogger who fears God n shuns all dis premarital sex n stuff! my dear,i knw ow u feel o,me I console myself in d fact dat im certain God loves me n hes workin his plan for me but when its so bad dat im dry n without inspiration or motivation I go to meet my mentors n parents in d lord so they can motivate me....

Debbie said...

girlfriend hope you are fine, just keep the faith it will be well.

Oracle said...

Whassup Rinsola, itz been a while
Have fun

aloted said...

hey girl..just checking up on u...how u dey..

it is well

Lady A said...

You know sometimes just being silent b4 God is the best tool. Just be still and know that He is God. Trust Him and He will make the crooked places straight.

Truth said...

Good to read through your honest blog. I was in same situation a while ago. love, God is there even in your unspoken times, He hears all yoir groanings.He made me stumble, yes i say stumble into a book. the writer says, when we are in such situation, its our (MCA) Master of character acquisition. he went ahead to say that what is taught in this God's own university and what the course contents are, are Uneployment 101, Advance obscurity,Remedial waiting and Intermediate loneliness. My dear, i went through these courses and i found out that all took place. I will always sit down and look into His eyes knowing with full assurance that He will see me through. He did. I equally have known that in His school, there is no graduation day, so i have learnt to fall back into His able hands. You are blessed

~Mimi~ said...

awwwwwwww dont worry we all have our moments.. BUT and a very IMPORTANT BUT is that you don't stay in that position :)

everytime you feel the wind get knocked out of you, just stop and TAKE a DEEP BREATH AGAIN..He's a LOVING FATHER..ever near...always.

simeoneomobaba said...

hi rinsola..been a while..i hope you are holding up fine......

aloted said...

chic...got ur offline thanks girl! how u doing???

meanwhile you've won an award. Pls check my blog for more details ;)

Olamild said...

hi there

Olamild said...

hi there

Manda said...

my message not here? guess i lost ikt.

Manda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
darkelcee said...

hey dear, this might be coming in a bit late but i went thru this situation once in my life and i learnt some vital things while out of d work.....1)My joblessness cannot change who He is. He is still God. 2) For me to tap into his favour i have to praise him and acknowledge him as my God even during the low moment.

sweetheart, try praise....my assurance was in Isaiah 50;2:3

darkelcee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Debbie said...

Come back girl, he still loves you inspite of what you may be going through now.
Come back girl we miss you.

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